I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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