she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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