I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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