Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
