my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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