Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
