At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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