well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
