They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
