then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
