i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
