I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I met the friendliest cop last night
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
