I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
