I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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