Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
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