Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
