...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
