i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
4 words: hood of his car
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
