Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
