And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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