I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
