all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
