Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
