he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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