also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
