She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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