No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
