I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
