He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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