Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
