UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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