Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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