are you still at the devil's house?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
