also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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