so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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