i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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