I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
