It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
