Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
