I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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