No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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