I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
