Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
