Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
