i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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