my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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