didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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