Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
