it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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