would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
did i walk over a car last night?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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