im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
