After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
