Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think your dad took our porno
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
